


Imitations of a Masterpiece

by StarryEyedDaydreamer



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Laszlo is an idiot, Nadja is a goddess, Smut, porn with a plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:41:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24567886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryEyedDaydreamer/pseuds/StarryEyedDaydreamer
Summary: After a few weeks of being exiled to the basement coffin, Laszlo struggles to meet his semen quota for the witches and realizes that there is only one long haired brunette who truly knows the way to his heart... and his penis.
Relationships: Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	Imitations of a Masterpiece

_Long, dark hair...long, dark hair,_ Laszlo tried to conjure the image in his mind as he jerked his limp cock. _Long, dark-_

“Laszlo?!” Guillermo called from the other side of the door with a few quick knocks. “I’m about to go to Brooklyn. Have you finished filling your jars?” 

Laszlo groaned in frustration as he readjusted his member and zipped his trousers. He swung the door open, causing Guillermo to lose his balance as he was leaning against it. 

“That’s all I’ve got this week.” Laszlo said quickly with a curt nod as he handed the jars off to Guillermo before retreating back inside the cell. 

Guillermo stopped the vampire from closing the door. 

“Laszlo, this is the third week in a row you haven’t met your quota.” Guillermo sighed. “The witches are going to notice if I keep supplementing your portion with Colin’s.” 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Gizmo.” Laszlo shrugged before gesturing to his crotch. “Old chap won’t bloody wake up!” 

Laszlo had tried everything. Nadja still wasn’t talking to him after she discovered that he had a certain taste for long haired brunettes. Laszlo didn’t see what the problem was- he couldn’t believe his luck that the divine creature that turned him into a vampire just happened to possess some of his favorite physical characteristics. At any rate, Nadja didn’t seem to be any help at the moment. 

His arrangement with Nandor had been helpful; scratching each other’s backs, as it were. But after a few rounds in the sack with Nandor, Laszlo began to grow bored. Nandor was so masculine and primal that it was almost too easy. There was no passion, no chase. 

“Well, that’s not my problem.” Guillermo retorted, channeling his inner Shark. “If you don’t meet the quota on your own then the witches will get it with their freaky surgical tools- and I lose my commission. So you better figure it out by the end of the day.” 

Guillermo turned and slammed the door as he left the basement crypt. Laszlo made a mental note to talk to Nandor about his familiar’s attitude. But he was right, if Laszlo couldn’t come up with the semen on his own then the witches would take it by force. He shuddered at the thought. 

Laszlo snatched the remaining empty jar from the table and proceeded to the fancy room. He set up the projector and played some of the highlights from his porno career. But not even those erotic masterpieces could elicit any sign of arousal. 

Laszlo pushed on, setting up another film reel on the projector when Nadja walked in. Upon seeing her husband fumbling with the roll of film Nadja rolled her eyes before quickly turning around. 

“Nadja, wait!” Laszlo called after his wife. Nadja stopped and sighed before turning around and crossing her arms.

“How do you know it’s me?” Nadja retorted. “Are you sure I’m not one of your other dark-haired beauties?” 

“Darling, I know you’re mad but you have to help me,” Laszlo stepped forward and took his wife’s hand in his own. “I’m short on my semen contribution as a result of a little… erectile exhaustion. And if I don’t make good on it then those witches are going to take my semen by force.” 

“Good!” Nadja spat before turning to leave again. 

“Nadja, please!” Laszlo begged, holding her hand tighter. 

Nadja stopped, her posture straightening as she felt a shiver run down her spine. 

“What was that?” She asked, barely looking over her shoulder. 

“Please,” Laszlo repeated again. “Please help me, Nadja.” 

Nadja turned, a devilish grin beginning to form at the corners of her blood stained lips. 

“Get on your knees and say that again,” Nadja instructed. 

Laszlo hesitated before realizing that his begging was actually working for Nadja. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of it sooner! 

“Please, my sweet Nadja,” Laszlo continued. “Please forgive me and help me fill a jar with semen for the witches.” 

Nadja crossed her arms again and licked her lips. 

“You’re lucky you caught me while I’m horny,” she purred. 

“Oh yeah,” Laszlo chuckled as he got back up. “Wouldn’t have wanted to miss that  _ very narrow _ window of time-“

Nadja pushed Laszlo back down on the sofa, her manicured nails digging into the same place where her fangs once pierced his neck centuries ago. 

“Oh no, if you want my help then I’m in charge,” Nadja growled. “Understand, cheeky boy?” 

Laszlo didn’t say anything, he only gulped and nodded.

“What was that?” Nadja tightened her grip on Laszlo’s throat. 

“Whatever you want, my queen.” Laszlo finally answered with a shaky breath, followed by a groan as he felt his cock finally awaken. 

Nadja’s demeanor softened a bit, amused by her husband’s strained pleasure. She moved her free hand to massage her husband’s growing erection. 

“That didn’t take long,” Nadja chuckled, only releasing her grip on Laszlo’s throat so that she could more easily remove his trousers. 

“How I’ve missed you, my dearest Nadja,” Laszlo admitted, admiring his wife as she gathered up her skirt and straddled his waist. 

“Oh, please,” Nadja scoffed, rolling her eyes once more. 

“No, I mean it.” Laszlo insisted, placing a gentle hand on her cheek. She looked up and their eyes met in a moment of rare sincerity. “I was a fool to think that anyone could ever hold a candle to you. Sure, I may enjoy a certain aesthetic in my sexual partners- but those other long haired brunettes are mere imitations of a masterpiece.” 

“Really?” Nadja’s nose wrinkled as a goofy grin spread across her face. “You mean that?” 

“Every word,” Laszlo swore, holding up his right hand as if making a pledge. “I know we’ve both had our dalliances, but I can’t imagine spending eternity with anyone else by my side.” 

He leaned forward and kissed his wife who only responded with a high pitched whimper before pulling away. 

“Oh Laszlo, it makes me so happy to hear you say that,” Nadja began, though her own restraint was starting to wear thin. “But it also makes me very horny to hear you say that.” 

Without another word Nadja reached down and guided her husband’s now throbbing cock inside her. She then placed both of her hands on his shoulders to steady herself as her hips found their rhythm. Laszlo’s hands crawled under Nadja’s bunched skirt so that he could grip her ample, but firm, backside. 

“Oh, oh,” Laszlo moaned as Nadja picked up her pace from a trot to a gallop. “Darling, where’s that jar?”

“Not yet, you know the rule,” Nadja playfully scolded. 

“Ladies first,” Laszlo nodded, despite feeling his own climax on the horizon. 

Nadja leaned forward, her soft cries of pleasure amplified so close to Laszlo’s ear. He groaned as he continued to restrain himself from finishing before her. Nadja leaned back again as her hips began to buck almost frantically. 

Watching Nadja’s face contort with lustful ecstasy as she bounced on his cock was almost too much for Laszlo. 

“Oh, Nadja,” Laszlo panted. “Nadja, please.” 

Those magic words sent Nadja over the edge, her lips colliding with Laszlo’s as her orgasm rocked her body. Laszlo held her close which made for a soft landing to the high she had just experienced. Nadja felt her husband’s grip on her hips tighten and she knew he was about to cum. She slowed their rhythm as she reached for the jar and carefully dismounted. Nadja curled up beside her husband as she gently stroked his cock and lined it up with the jar. As the knot in his stomach grew tighter, Laszlo braced himself by stretching one arm across the back of the couch and wrapping his other arm around his wife’s waist. Nadja picked up the pace of her strokes as she nibbled on her husband’s ear while whispering sweet nothings into it. 

Suddenly, Laszlo’s breath hitched and his body froze before just as quickly being sent into a series of climactic convulsions. Nadja held the jar in place and used her free hand to cradle Laszlo’s head against her chest as he continued to shudder with pleasure. 

After he was finished… finishing, Nadja secured the lid on the jar and called for Guillermo. Guillermo entered the fancy room to find Laszlo and Nadja on the couch together: Laszlo half conscious and Nadja holding a full jar of his semen. Guillermo’s eyes widened at the sight. 

“You got  _ all _ of  _ that _ in one...session?” Guillermo asked, trying to sound as professional as possible. 

“You’re welcome,” Nadja nonchalantly handed over the jar with a shrug. 

Guillermo took the jar and left without asking anymore questions. After another moment, Laszlo seemed to have recovered from his orgasm. 

“Are you alright, darling?” Nadja asked, stroking her husband’s cheek. 

“No one has ever been able to make me cum as hard as you do, my darling,” Laszlo replied. 

“Don’t you ever forget that,” Nadja smirked as she kissed his forehead. 

  
  



End file.
